RETRACTED! Why I think what I wrote a year ago about body confidence is total BS

I wrote the original article in March of 2019; 1 year and 2 months later I call Bull$**t on it and here’s why.

It comes down to perspective and as someone who’s mission is to inspire other women to be the greatest version of themselves they can be, I couldn’t possibly be silent about how my feelings have changed since beginning my weight loss journey.  When I first wrote the article I was a very different person than I am today; I was 40, significantly overweight, felt like a “middle-aged overweight has been” with her best days behind her. In fact, that was a little saying that I used to say about myself. How sad was that?!!

Struggling to still feel relevant; in a go nowhere career, the weight piled on. The more weight, the more I compensated with hair, makeup, and dressing as nicely as I could manage. Basically, I was faking it till I made it. I was not in a great place professionally. I’d allowed myself to be disrespected, used and placated. I’d surrounded myself by individuals who didn’t believe in me. The result was my weight was unfathomably high, I’d begun to not believe in myself, and my spirit was broken.

Hind-site is 20/20 and now see why I was treated the way I was. Now I see my previous self the way others saw me and I can’t blame anyone but myself. That doesn’t excuse any of the wrongs done to me, but it does provide clarity. You are 100% responsible for how you look; your personal brand. You are the only one responsible for your health, wealth, intellect and happiness. Unhappy? Look no further than your bathroom mirror to solve for X.

One year ago my confidence was waning. I wasn’t healthy, I wasn’t active, I wasn’t fit and felt that I’d never see those days again. When I wrote my original article my perspective was tainted; telling myself that it was okay (for me) to be overweight, that my husband loved me anyway. That I should ignore my insecurities and just be me. Accept the person that I’d become. Because that’s what all the women of today are preaching. I am here to tell you that I don’t attend that church.

Here’s the thing…

I was a size 12/14 when I wrote the original article. 1 year, 2 mo’s later I am currently a size 6. I’ve lost a lot of weight so far (almost 50 pounds) and my perspective has drastically changed. Along with the weight, I also lost something else; my insecurities. (Most of them) insert smiley face here. LOL

In the article I write about being self conscious about my legs, feeling that they were ugly and never wanting to wear shorts or dresses. That was true then.

I write about hitting 40 and above and saying “screw it” just “be who we are, unapologetically us.” That was what I thought then.

I wrote, “we must learn to be comfortable in our own skin; with who we are today, at this moment,” that is what I believed…then.

It’s funny to read that article now where I state that I hate my legs. Now I really like them! I wear dresses and shorts all the time and love doing leg toning exercises, and walking 5-7 miles a day to keep them looking as good as possible. I simply don’t feel the same as I did when I wrote the original post.

I am still on my mission to be healthier, thinner, happier, confident, more active and to be an overall badass in my 40’s, 50’s and beyond. My commitment to myself if that I look better at 50 than I do today at 41. And I can do it!

We do need to be unapologetic about who we are to everyone, but especially to ourselves. If we are truly unapologetic and honest with ourselves we will be able to come to terms with what we need to change in order to evolve and transform our bodies and our lives. Certainly don’t be afraid to be you, but also don’t be afraid to stand naked in front of a mirror and be 100% unapologetically honest with yourself first. I promise you, it will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

What I WAS right about

1. Not caring what people think. You can’t please everyone, hell, my husband complains that I am too thin! LOL how funny is that? People will always have false perspectives about you, gossip and say mean things. In fact, I think that gets worse the better you become as a person. When you really get your shit together and transform your life people notice, and some may perhaps hate you for it, and that’s when I say, who cares?

2. Recognizing that every one else also has insecurities. It’s true, so much so that they may not notice yours because they are too fixated on themselves hoping you don’t notice theirs.

3. Focus on the things that you like about yourself, your best attributes. Play them up and show they off. No matter how thin, smart, wealthy, or healthy, we are going to inevitably find things we can and will critique about ourselves. Honesty is always the best policy but work to shift negative thoughts by focusing on the positives.

You’ll know when insecurities are warranted, if they are something you can change or not. If they are, change them. Stop wasting time making excuses and compensating. CHANGE! I spent way too many years of my life compensating and lying to myself to try and make myself feel better about who I had become. I look down now at the pictures I share on this article and I am so grateful that I was able to see the light and transform my life. I can’t believe what I had allowed myself to become! That’s why I am retracting the previous article because I would be doing a disservice to anyone reading it to say that they just need to accept what they have become and move on. That’s horrible advice!

Now that I know how beneficial making necessary changes in my life was, I have to share how it changed me in hopes that you can find inspiration and have life altering changes as well. I still have a long way to go, but what I’ve learned so far in this process has provided a solid platform to reach new heights.

Confidence in your 40’s and beyond is about being the person you know you can be regardless of the sacrifice it takes to achieve it. Reflect on what is making you insecure. Sit down and write them out and then make a separate list, a “commitment list” A list of commitments you can make to yourself to keep as a daily habit. Forget “goals”. I wanted to be thin, but I didn’t say my “goal is a size 4” rather, I focused on what little changes I could make. I walked more, ate healthier, counted my calories, fasted, started weight training, and low and behold, I lost weight and never stood on a scale or focused on a “goal”. I simply kept the commitments I made to myself to live a healthier lifestyle.

AND YOU CAN DO IT TOO! Whatever the transformation is. It could be health, weight, financial, career, education, etc. Identify it, define your mission, list your commitments, and over time watch as you transform yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Left: Picture from original March 2019 article;

Right: 1 year 2 months later May 2020 (same dress but my current dress size if 6) at the time of this article I have lost 47.8 pounds since the original picture.

This dress is a size 12 and it’s hard to portray in pics just how big it is and how badly it hangs. My current dress size is size 6.

I used bag clips to show how many inches the dress has that isn’t filled.

Left: Taken April 2019 size 12.

Right: Taken May 2020 (same dress but my current dress size is 6)

Picture #1 Taken around the time of the original article. The second pictures from November were three months into my weight loss journey and the final picture in June is after losing nearly 50 pounds.