42

“Per me è veramente come una droga, mi piace tanto.” 

(For me, it’s really like a drug, I like it so much)

Marta works her great-grandmothers Loom with manic precision.  Passion and enthusiasm radiate through the screen and I find myself equally filled with joy and sadness at the same time. 

I am moved watching this documentary about Umbria Italy and a few of it’s talented inhabitants.  It’s more than the Italian I’m hearing that invites me in, it’s Marta’s words, her movements, her passion for her trade that touches me.  When a person finds their calling it’s incredible.  

Someone doing something that they love with such intense passion that they say “it’s like a drug.” is inspiring. In Marta’s case, It’s not just what she says, it’s how she says it; and you have no other option but to wholeheartedly believe it.

Today I am 42 and I thought about this as I took my walk. I can’t help but think of all the things I thought I’d accomplish by now (including going to Italy) and I can’t help feeling an intense urgency that these things must happen soon.  I’ve waited 42 years to find the kind of passion Marta has discovered.  I’m still seeking it.

Passion…what is that? What does it feel like, look like to have an intense passion for a job, for a trade, for a skill, for how you make your living? My guess is that it looks a lot like Marta. 

Do those people know how unique, and how special they truly are?  That they have literally been touched by the hand of God and been given a precious gift few receive?  Do they know how many people coast through life without it?

So far my life has been very good.  Excellent to be honest.  I’ve raised an incredibly smart and industrious young man who I am over the moon with love for.  Still married to the father of my son and together we’ve owned 7 houses, 30+ new cars, vacationed in 5 star resorts and I personally have taken multiple sabbaticals over the years from working.   This is said, not to brag, but rather to clarify that I recognize the easy life I’ve lived so far and that I have very little to complain about.

Yet…I’ve never found my passion and as I age I feel it gets further away from me with each passing year.  I don’t have a trade that was passed down from generation to generation.  I have no family business to run; no long lost uncle in Tuscany who urgently has to teach me how to run the family vineyard.  LOL. 😂 I must laugh because I am a true romantic at heart and I believe that doing what you love is the most romantic thing a person can do.  

These are my thoughts at 42.  Proud of where I am today, anxious for the possibilities of tomorrow.  Quite pessimistic in many regards, yet romantically optimistic.  I will live this next year with a theme of “preparedness”.  Preparing myself for what’s ahead of me, and perhaps purchasing a pair of binoculars. 

That passion must be out there somewhere!